


we lost the prince of hope in the supermarket

by lyricsandhearts



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Kink Meme, hope is lost, in the supermarket, lobster box
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-27
Updated: 2012-05-27
Packaged: 2017-11-06 03:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/414221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricsandhearts/pseuds/lyricsandhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John takes the trolls on a field trip to the supermarket. Eridan gets lost, Terezi enjoys nachos, and Karkat hates everything. (Written for the kink meme as a fill for this misfire comment:</p>
<p>"hope is lost</p>
<p>in the supermarket")</p>
            </blockquote>





	we lost the prince of hope in the supermarket

**Author's Note:**

> So... Um. I wrote this back in December, literally days after I had finished reading Homestuck for the first time (I could not resist that misfire comment oh my god), and apparently people really really liked it? So after several months, I have decided to de-anon, clean it up, and post it here for the joy of the masses, haha. Hopefully it's as funny now as it was then! ♥ (And oh god, please excuse the verbalization of Sollux's lisp if that's something you don't enjoy. I couldn't bring myself to change it while editing. /hides face in hands and rolls away)

"OKAY EVERYBODY, CALM THE FUCK DOWN."

"No!" Feferi shrieks, running to and fro through the cereal aisle with all the imperial grace of an overexcited flounder. "We lost Eridan, Karkrab, we lost him! Oh glub. Oh glub oh glub oh glub water we gonna _do_ \--"

Just as she begins to tear up, Sollux, flustered, cries, "Thnap out of it, FF! We'll find him, I promith, okay? He can't have gone _that_ far." He rushes over to comfort her but instead manages to upset a pyramid of cans of Chef Boyardee, yelling out in shock and pain from his prison of aluminum and mediocre canned pasta.

Feferi sniffs and nods, lifting her goggles to wipe her magenta tears off them, then hurries off, calling, "Eridan? Eridaaaaan, where are you?", Aradia close on her fins.

"I hate thith plathe," sighs Sollux's muffled and disembodied voice.

"I agree completely," Karkat groans, placing his face in his hands and slowly shaking his head. This is terrible. This is so terrible. This is the most terrible day of his life, including every single day before this, _including_ the day Egbert and his humans waltzed into Karkat's life, which makes it pretty goddamn terrible. "WHY DID YOU BRING US TO THIS FUCKING MISERY PLAYGROUND, EGBERT."

"I thought it would be a nice cultural learning experience," John says sheepishly, staring down at his feet, presumably to avoid looking at the circus of idiocy taking place in front of him. Right as he says this, Vriska skids in, a simultaneously horrified and wondrous look on her face.

"They, they, they--" she coughs, trying hard to catch her breath. "They have a whoooooooole aisle for _buckets_."

Equius, mortified, gently places his hands over both Nepeta's ears. She looks around, confused.

"Oh my god, what kind of nook-licking establishment did you bring us to, John?" Vriska continues, aghast. She shudders.

Dave snorts from behind him.

"Cultural learning experience my ass."

"IT'S A SUPERMARKET, OKAY?" John shouts, supremely frustrated.

"Now you know how I feel at every hour of the day." Karkat takes this moment to bask in his beautiful superiority to these humans and their dirty goddamn supermarkets.

John grunts in response.

"I'm gonna go look for Ampora over by the freshly-cooked sugar-based confections," Karkat says, already halfway to the next aisle, but really he just wants to get the hell out of dodge. Which he only gets to do for approximately forty-three precious seconds, because at the case of freshly-cooked sugar-based confections, he finds Gamzee, nose pressed up against the glass in the crudest and most ridiculous manner possible.

"This is the best day of my motherfuckin' life," he moans, staring at the pies with lustful abandon.

Karkat gets the fuck out of there, too.

He arrives at an array of shelves that looks promising, but, of course, Terezi has to go and ruin that for him as well. _This is why we can't have nice things_ , he tells himself, and it is completely, undeniably true.

They can't have nice things because Terezi Pyrope will get her saliva all over them.

He hears her tongue before he sees it, an awful slurping that chills him to his very cardiovascular blood-pumping device.

"Mmm," she moans, "this tastes of delicious nanchos and... Shame? Oh, wait." She peels her tongue off the bag of whatever-the-fuck it is she's licking and turns around to give Karkat a horrific grin. "That's you, Vantas. Your embarrassment to know me is very potent and disrupted my nancho party, you see."

"Nancho...?" he begins to ask, but decides he does not want to know. "Look, Terezi, I'm just looking for Ampora."

"Eridan?" She ponders this briefly. "I think I smelled him over by the lobster box."

"W - _lobster box_?" He blinks. "What does that even - no. I refuse to accept this. I refuse to accept the fact that there is a _lobster box_ in this _godforsaken place_."

Before she can reply, a scuffle erupts somewhere far to their left.

"No! Wwait!" cries Eridan's voice, "I wwas _tryin'_ to havve a convversation, thank you vvery much. Unhand me, fiends!"

"Eridan!" Feferi says, and wow, she sounds like his lusus or something. "We thought we'd lost you! Never swim out of my sight like that again, do you hear me?"

"The lobsters are friendly!" Eridan protests weakly, struggling to escape from Equius's grasp (which is far easier than it should be by this point, because Equius's hands are all sweaty from being given contradicting orders by the highest of highbloods - how abso-fucking-lutely scandalous).

Feferi is having none of that. She drags him off to lecture him some more, and Terezi shrugs and resumes her nancho-licking party, whatever the fuck that means.

Karkat stalks off to hide in the sauce aisle and feel sorry for himself, and it is the best part of the whole damn day.


End file.
